Crushing on a Guy Who’s Taken

Crushing on a guy who is in a relationship with another girl is practically a rite of passage for women. It always starts off good (and that’s usually because we’ve yet to find out that he’s not single), harmless flirting, a few inside jokes, and some casual hanging out. But then it reaches the point where you’ve convinced yourself that you’ve fallen in love with this guy, and he’s convinced himself that it’s time to go home to his gf. Fuck. 

In some ways you feel dirty, like you’re the home wrecker he’s cheating on his girl with. I mean, his texts to you end with winky faces and he compliments your cute outfits! Guys don’t just do those things with girls they aren’t at least a little bit interested in….but then you think ahead, like girls do, and consider what would happen if, just like in your fantasies, he left his current relationship to be with you. How are you supposed to trust somebody who had feelings for someone who wasn’t the girl he was dating, even though the person that he had feelings for was you?! It sounds completely convoluted, but it also sounds completely logical; you wanted to be with him when he had a girlfriend, but if he leaves his girlfriend to be with you, how do you know he won’t fall for another girl in the midst of your relationship?

But wait, let’s back up a second. Because guess what? He’s still dating his girlfriend. He didn’t leave her for you, and you’re still alone. You’re trying to understand if you only want him because he’s taken, or if you want him for real. Ladies at this point you are the walking definition of the friend zone and he’s taking complete advantage of it. He gets to have his girlfriend AND you at the same time, and he doesn’t get in trouble. 

You lose sleep thinking about him and you plan your day around seeing him. You get yourself so worked up in his presence that you end up making a complete douche out of yourself - - and for what? All the time you spend making sure your hair is just right and your outfit is put together, all the time you spend thinking about what you’re going to say to him, it’s all time wasted. In your fantasy he declares his undying love for you but in reality, he plays you. So, how do you put an end to it? How do you stop the never-ending cycle of feeling something for someone who doesn’t feel it back? 

You go cold turkey. You look at yourself in the mirror and realize that you are better than this - - that you don’t deserve to be second fiddle, to be somebody’s “emotional mistress.” You erase every dream you ever had of being with him and set your sights on that which is attainable. Don’t let him be the focus of your day when you’re only a small fraction of his. When you stop obsessing over something you can’t have, something that’s not even good for you, you open yourself up to the possibility of a real, true, healthy relationship. You cherish friendships for being just that; friendships. And finally, you tell yourself that when the right guy comes along, he will realize how lucky he is to have you in his life, and he will make you a priority, not an afterthought.