FML

Single by Choice?

A few years ago I ended a three-year relationship. Other than school breaks our entire relationship was long distance. He was my first in almost every way so as you can imagine ending the relationship took a great deal of consideration and caused severe pain to both of us. In fact, he claimed he would never love again and pulled some not so flattering drive-by’s in the days following the break up. However, we have since moved on; and he did so especially quickly, hooking up with his now fiancé just a week after I broke up with him. But hey, don’t they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone…and then put a ring on it? 

I guess my issue now seems to be the inevitable question of “he has clearly moved on, so why haven’t I?” To answer that question I first attempted to heal my heart and didn’t try to jump into anything too soon. A year later I tried online dating, but that got weird fast. I decided that was not going to work for me. Then the universe provided another option, and I met “Rick”. Other than an uncanny resemblance to my ex, Rick seemed pretty nice. We dated casually until he stopped calling or texting back, forcing me to have an awkward conversation with him in which he listed his excuses as to why we needed to break up. By the way, we had dated for less than a month, and I never once called him my boyfriend. Rick’s explained that the 45 minute distance from my house and the school we both attended was “too much and he was no-go at communication.” Direct quote, FYI…I never said he was a poet. 

So I was back to being single. Now a full three years after my first break up, I’m single and staring to question if it is a choice or due to circumstances. All my friends are engaged, getting married, or deliriously happy in their relationships. I have attend more weddings in the last year then I can stand and just saw my ex’s engagement announcement in the paper, which stung more than I’d like to admit. 

I guess I’m single by choice…but am I really? I want a relationship, I want a best friend and a partner, but once again that elusive “great guy” is nowhere to be found. So, I think I’ll continue to claim the moniker “single by choice,” if only because the frogs I’ve seen lately are not going to turn into princes no matter how tight I close my eyes when I kiss them.