How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (or Something Like That…)

He’s into you, but you’re just not that into him. Women are master manipulators, but even we cannot manipulate ourselves into liking someone that we don’t have a connection with. So, what to do…despite your lack of feelings for him, he’s still a nice, sweet, caring person, and he obviously has good taste, seeing as how he likes you. You don’t want to hurt him, but you have to let him know where he stands. If you don’t, the next thing you know it will be 2 years later and he will be down on one knee with you feeling indifferent; “well, I don’t dislike him…” Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t be so afraid that no one else will come along. You have to not only be honest with yourself, but you also have to be honest with him. For every day that goes by that you don’t tell him the truth, he becomes more and more invested in you, ultimately making things harder. 

Letting a guy down doesn’t have to be a dramatic, or traumatic, experience. Contrary to popular belief it can be done gently; no rudeness or angst required. Now if he’s a complete asshole, that’s a different story. By all means, curse him out via text. But when he’s been nothing but nice, the least you can do is return the favor. After all, it’s not his fault that your feelings don’t match his. 

What not to do: Lie. Don’t tell him that you still have feelings for your ex if you don’t, and don’t tell him that you have to focus on your career right now if you’re planning on dating other guys. Tell him like it is; he’s a big boy, he can take it, and he’ll respect you for your honesty. His ego will be a bit bruised but not nearly as bad as if he comes to discover that you’re a) not back with your ex or b) are pursuing other relationships instead of focusing on your career. 

What to do: Prepare him for the end. It’s not wise to blind side him, especially if from his end of things everything seemed to be going great. Stop responding to every single text. Make your responses a little shorter. Stop being flirty. Hang out less or in groups. You can do all of this without being rude or dishonest, and this helps ready him for the break, as he’ll be able to feel you becoming more distant. Then you have The Conversation. Sit him down and tell him to his face (absolutely no texting/calling/Skyping!) why things aren’t working out for you. Keep the focus on you and what you’re feeling; don’t spend the entire time complimenting him and talking about how great he is. This will only confuse him. If he’s so great, then why aren’t you into him? Don’t place any blame on him, either. If you didn’t give him any inclination that you weren’t on his level in terms of feelings, then don’t make him feel bad for having expressed himself the way he did. 

If you play your cards right, hurt feelings will be at a minimum and there will be no need for regret. Who knows, you might end up friends. Most of all, you won’t leave him resenting you. Despite what some people say, in some cases it is important what others think of you. The less people you alienate and manipulate, the better people will think of you, and the better you will think of yourself.