Feast and Famine

Over the course of our existence, there are many seasons of life that we all go through. We have our seasons of change, seasons of grief, and of course seasons of joy. But as women, we all inevitably go through what I like to call “a season of feasting and a season of famine.” One almost always precedes the other, creating a classic “the grass is always greener” phenomenon. And what exactly are we “feasting” on? Why, men of course. Tall, dark, and handsome (in my dreams, anyway), they always manage to find a way to drive us crazy but look irresistibly adorable doing it.

The Season of Feasting:

Like Thanksgiving, a feast tends to happen only once in a great while (I hesitate on saying once a year because not all of us are even that lucky) and often leaves us feeling full, tired, and ready for some retail therapy. A feast can mean different things for different people, but generally involves having multiple guys expressing interest in you, hitting on you, dating you, and/or stalking you. From my own personal experience, I have found that a feast can be quite exciting and fun, but at the same time exhausting. My freshman year of college was the first time I had ever experienced a feast. And let me tell you, going from 18 years of famine to a feast right away was a bit overwhelming! A guy that lived in my dorm liked me, as did a guy from my hometown. I liked them both, so I decided to take some time and sort out my options…aka go on dates with both of them without either of them knowing about the other. It was fun, but I’m more of a one-man woman, which I realized when my spunky, 82 year old grandmother said to me, “well, why can’t you date both?” like it was no big deal. Juggling men is hard! I don’t know how polygamists do it.

When it’s a Feast of Leftovers:

Sometimes, there are unfortunate occurrences in which all you are left to feast on are old, clearly microwave re-heated leftovers. Sick. This happens when the multiple men that are expressing interest in you (but let’s be real, in this case, probably stalking you) are all undesirable (examples include men that are extremely clingy, are complete tools or douches, or are just generally unattractive to you). Similar to the lasagna that has been sitting in my refrigerator for the last 2 weeks, it is the kind of feast that is most loathed, but also hardest to get rid of.

In case you arrived late to the table, here are 3 ways to tell if you have a feast in front of you, and more importantly, if it’s a feast of leftovers:

1.      You receive multiple text messages within a few minutes, from several different guys.

You’ll know its leftovers if you cringe once you see their names light up your phone.

2.      It seems like you get a new friend request on Facebook every time you meet a new guy.

You’ll know its leftovers because you’ll only click accept so as not to seem rude.

3.      With all of the guys you talk about, it’s hard for your friends to keep them straight.

You’ll know its leftovers when you refer to them as ‘creepy guy, even creepier guy, and super creepy guy’ to clarify

The Season of Famine:

On the flip side, it is not uncommon to find yourself in a season of famine. It’s like all of a sudden you went from the chaotic, bustling city of Chicago to some tiny, unincorporated town in the plains of North Dakota. There’s absolutely nothing. It’s always super fun when one of your best friends is enjoying a feast and you’re stuck in famine mode. Everywhere the two of you go together, guys are practically jumping in line to give her their numbers, and you’re just standing over there being the girl who lets them borrow your pen. Don’t get me wrong, this can at times be a relief, especially if you’ve just gotten done with a leftover’s feast. I mean, there are definitely perks to experiencing famine, with freedom at the very top of the list. You can do what you want, whenever you want, without worrying about anyone but yourself. You’re a strong, confident woman who don’t need a man by her side. You have no one to impress – if you want to skip a shower and go with the rolled out of bed, sweatpants and no makeup look, you go right ahead girlfriend, because this is your life and you are going to own this season of famine. But stay in any place for too long, and you’re bound to start wanting a change (the exception, of course, being when your season of famine is so prolonged that you decide to just lean into it and adopt 23 cats). So don’t go crazy and throw the mascara out quite yet…you don’t want to do anything you’ll regret once the seasons change.