Don't Tell Me What to Do, Camry!

Click it or ticket. I get it, we need to wear our seatbelts, and I do…most of the time. Look, I don’t want to go through the windshield of my car or get suffocated by my airbag, but let’s be real for a second. My job is literally three tenths of a mile from my house. I go straight at a stop sign, round a corner, make a right turn and then, boom, I’m at work. By the time I get my seatbelt on and get situated, I’m at my job and it’s time to take the seatbelt off again. 

My car, however, does not see things the way I do. It starts off with just one ding. Basically saying “Lol silly you, you forgot to put on your seatbelt before you pulled out of the driveway! Haha it’s okay, I’ll wait while you put it on.” Then you get about 15 seconds of silence before that annoying sound is back, this time louder and more frequent. Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding... “Hey, what’s the deal? Put your freaking seatbelt on. You’re driving at the breakneck speed of 25 miles per hour, so stop being stubborn and buckle up!” Then if you don’t listen again, shit gets real. DINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDING… “Oh no you di-in’t! I know you didn’t just ignore me TWICE! Girl, you best get that belt on before I come up there and whoop yo ass!” Apparently my Camry is programmed to turn into an angry black woman when I don’t heed its warnings. 

I know there’s a simple solution to this problem; I should just wear my seatbelt on the way to work, right? Wrong. I just can’t bring myself to do it…it’s like it has become my moral obligation to oppose bossy technology that’s taking over our lives. I could put on my seatbelt, but then I’m just giving in, going mainstream, and letting the Man bring me down. No car is going to tell me what to do! I’ve started doing this thing where I try to beat the ‘dings,’ so I drive the two blocks between my house and work mega uber fast like I’m Vin Diesel in a Fast and Furious movie, but it never fails, my car always catches me being bad. Sorry to disappoint you Camry, but you and I are just never going to agree on this one.