Mr. Darcy

A Drink Called Denial

Sam was the one. I just knew it. I had never felt this way about anyone before, so clearly it had to be love. There was just something about him – his endless supply of jokes that were almost always accompanied by his charming smile, his fun and easy-going personality, and those deep blue eyes. Oh and did I mention he plays guitar too? He was everything I never knew I wanted.

There was just one problem: the feeling wasn’t mutual. I knew it from day one, but I was drunk on denial. I reasoned that he would come around once we spent more time together and he got to know me better. How could he not when I liked him so much? Isn’t that the way it works?! Bad news, folks…no, that is most definitely not how it works. You cannot will someone to like you, no matter how hard you try.

And believe me, I tried. I did everything that I thought would make him like me. You wanna make out? Sure, why not, it’ll give you a reason to come over. You have too much homework to go out on Valentine’s Day? Yeah, okay, I’m sure you’ll love the fact that I completely respect your devotion to your schoolwork. You want me to be cool with you hanging out alone with another girl at midnight, in her dorm room? Consider me cool as ice, because you’re totally going to appreciate my trust.

So, this is what I discovered after 3 months: it doesn’t work, not even a little bit, not even at all. Basically what’s been accomplished is that he now knows that he can walk all over you and you won’t care. You are being used, my friend, and it’s not going to feel good after a while. And I know, you don’t want to break up with him. You’ll never find another person like him. But do you really want to find another person like him? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t appreciate and love you for who you are? You deserve better than that…and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Was breaking up with Sam one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do? You bet. Did it hurt? Most definitely. Was it the right move? Without a doubt. I wasn’t the girl for him, and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise, that was the simple truth. You can spare yourself a lot of tears and wasted time if you just start facing the facts. Put that bottle of denial back in that dusty cupboard where it belongs and start pouring shots of truth for a change.

Long Distance Relationship

Shut. Up!

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (or Something Like That…)

He’s into you, but you’re just not that into him. Women are master manipulators, but even we cannot manipulate ourselves into liking someone that we don’t have a connection with. So, what to do…despite your lack of feelings for him, he’s still a nice, sweet, caring person, and he obviously has good taste, seeing as how he likes you. You don’t want to hurt him, but you have to let him know where he stands. If you don’t, the next thing you know it will be 2 years later and he will be down on one knee with you feeling indifferent; “well, I don’t dislike him…” Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t be so afraid that no one else will come along. You have to not only be honest with yourself, but you also have to be honest with him. For every day that goes by that you don’t tell him the truth, he becomes more and more invested in you, ultimately making things harder. 

Letting a guy down doesn’t have to be a dramatic, or traumatic, experience. Contrary to popular belief it can be done gently; no rudeness or angst required. Now if he’s a complete asshole, that’s a different story. By all means, curse him out via text. But when he’s been nothing but nice, the least you can do is return the favor. After all, it’s not his fault that your feelings don’t match his. 

What not to do: Lie. Don’t tell him that you still have feelings for your ex if you don’t, and don’t tell him that you have to focus on your career right now if you’re planning on dating other guys. Tell him like it is; he’s a big boy, he can take it, and he’ll respect you for your honesty. His ego will be a bit bruised but not nearly as bad as if he comes to discover that you’re a) not back with your ex or b) are pursuing other relationships instead of focusing on your career. 

What to do: Prepare him for the end. It’s not wise to blind side him, especially if from his end of things everything seemed to be going great. Stop responding to every single text. Make your responses a little shorter. Stop being flirty. Hang out less or in groups. You can do all of this without being rude or dishonest, and this helps ready him for the break, as he’ll be able to feel you becoming more distant. Then you have The Conversation. Sit him down and tell him to his face (absolutely no texting/calling/Skyping!) why things aren’t working out for you. Keep the focus on you and what you’re feeling; don’t spend the entire time complimenting him and talking about how great he is. This will only confuse him. If he’s so great, then why aren’t you into him? Don’t place any blame on him, either. If you didn’t give him any inclination that you weren’t on his level in terms of feelings, then don’t make him feel bad for having expressed himself the way he did. 

If you play your cards right, hurt feelings will be at a minimum and there will be no need for regret. Who knows, you might end up friends. Most of all, you won’t leave him resenting you. Despite what some people say, in some cases it is important what others think of you. The less people you alienate and manipulate, the better people will think of you, and the better you will think of yourself.

Follow Your Brain

Don't Tell Me What to Do, Camry!

Click it or ticket. I get it, we need to wear our seatbelts, and I do…most of the time. Look, I don’t want to go through the windshield of my car or get suffocated by my airbag, but let’s be real for a second. My job is literally three tenths of a mile from my house. I go straight at a stop sign, round a corner, make a right turn and then, boom, I’m at work. By the time I get my seatbelt on and get situated, I’m at my job and it’s time to take the seatbelt off again. 

My car, however, does not see things the way I do. It starts off with just one ding. Basically saying “Lol silly you, you forgot to put on your seatbelt before you pulled out of the driveway! Haha it’s okay, I’ll wait while you put it on.” Then you get about 15 seconds of silence before that annoying sound is back, this time louder and more frequent. Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding... “Hey, what’s the deal? Put your freaking seatbelt on. You’re driving at the breakneck speed of 25 miles per hour, so stop being stubborn and buckle up!” Then if you don’t listen again, shit gets real. DINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDING… “Oh no you di-in’t! I know you didn’t just ignore me TWICE! Girl, you best get that belt on before I come up there and whoop yo ass!” Apparently my Camry is programmed to turn into an angry black woman when I don’t heed its warnings. 

I know there’s a simple solution to this problem; I should just wear my seatbelt on the way to work, right? Wrong. I just can’t bring myself to do it…it’s like it has become my moral obligation to oppose bossy technology that’s taking over our lives. I could put on my seatbelt, but then I’m just giving in, going mainstream, and letting the Man bring me down. No car is going to tell me what to do! I’ve started doing this thing where I try to beat the ‘dings,’ so I drive the two blocks between my house and work mega uber fast like I’m Vin Diesel in a Fast and Furious movie, but it never fails, my car always catches me being bad. Sorry to disappoint you Camry, but you and I are just never going to agree on this one.